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| Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash |
🦄 My relationship with story
I grew up as an undiagnosed AuDHDer in the 1960s and 70s. Everyday life was sometimes challenging, and fantasy provided a much needed escape.
In early childhood, I used to create imaginary adventures so involved I can remember staying up all night, developing them. At times, I was even able to program them into my dreams. During the day, I liked to draw my adventures and staple them into booklets.
In fourth or fifth grade, I began to write out my first horror and fantasy stories. The following year I bound some of my favorites into small Smyth-bound books, complete with real fabric covered boards.
By sixth grade, I had developed a strong interest in Gothic literature. I read Dracula twice. I devoured every ghost story I could find. I loved Edgar Allan Poe, Mary Stewart and T.H. White. I raced home from school every day to watch my favorite show, the long running paranormal soap opera, Dark Shadows. And I kept on writing—all through high school and into college.
But aside from the occasional poem, I did not share my work.
I’m not sure why this was exactly. I was, and am, sensitive to rejection. But it wasn't only that. To me, the showing didn’t matter. To me, it was the creating that counted.
I continued to write, as time allowed, for years without letting anyone read it. Manuscripts and short stories piled up on my computer—but I never felt that anything I wrote was good enough to publish.
And I wasn’t wrong.
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🌈 Neurodiversity and writing
I knew my writing was different. Workshops and critique groups and how-to-write books didn’t help me. Some were so discouraging, in fact, I began to feel that publishing my work just wasn’t worth it.
Then, in 2022, I was diagnosed with autism. As I learned more about what that meant, I began to understand why structuring a story was hard for me. I started to look at my work in a more objective way. I began to give myself grace.
This was not a cure-all. There were writing issues I was able to address and those I learned to accept. The main thing was that I kept at it. Though I will say this—my stories, as they are now, are far from perfect.
I know that my manuscripts don’t meet all, or maybe even most, paranormal romance (PNR) genre expectations. But I’ve figured out what I want to say and why I want to say it.
And to me, this is huge.
I’m now happy to say that my very first paranormal romance, Trancing Miranda, is finished and ready for self-publication. If all goes well with the cover artist, it will be available in ebook by the end of the month!
By my standards, this is an accomplishment.
💻 How this carries over to here
I started this publication in early 2023 to talk about my new autism diagnosis—but I quickly realized that I wasn’t actually ready to do that. So I spent the next few months sharing poems and essays and my thoughts on writing, instead.
As time passed, I got better at talking about neurodiversity, but creativity and writing and metaphysical topics stayed in the mix. And a similar thing happened with my neurodiversity podcast.
I knew that I was supposed to niche down and focus but I just couldn’t do it.
Finally, in early 2025, I was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor told me that I had a very high degree of impulsivity and I teared up when he said that this wasn’t my fault. I stopped feeling guilty (mostly) for bouncing around the way I did. I began to think of myself as less of a failure. I tried to accept me as me.
Impulsivity is something that affects everything I do, from my personal life to my long-form fiction to my online media. Fortunately, I have strong autistic special interests that help keep me on track. Staying the course isn’t easy but having a few relatively fixed interests helps.
📖 About the book(s)
Trancing Miranda is set in a not-too-future world where everyone knows that vampires are real. It is not especially graphic though the female lead does have a trauma history, however, and is NOT one of those characters whose only fault is that she is too nice.
I hope to self-publish very soon—hopefully by the end of the month.
My first psi romance, is in process and should be available by summer 2026. I have put the memoir on hold for now.
🔔 Update
The memoir is now back on! I’ll be posting more on it very soon.
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