Writing our neurodivergent memoir isn’t always easy but it has some very real benefits. For me, it has been a path to insight and self-acceptance. In this episode I talk about some of the reasons why people on the spectrum may not fully understand events as they unfold and how memoir writing can help us understand the past AND cut ourselves some slack.

Apologies for the audio on this episode! Other episodes are okay. I’m not sure what happened with this one.

Player image from pxhere

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

I grew up as an undiagnosed AuDHDer in the 1960s and 70s. Everyday life was sometimes challenging, and fantasy provided a much needed escape.

In early childhood, I used to create imaginary adventures so involved I can remember staying up all night, developing them. At times, I was even able to program them into my dreams. During the day, I liked to draw my adventures and staple them into booklets.

In fourth or fifth grade, I began to write out my first horror and fantasy stories. The following year I bound some of my favorites into small Smyth-bound books, complete with real fabric covered boards.

By sixth grade, I had developed a strong interest in Gothic literature. I read Dracula twice. I devoured every ghost story I could find. I loved Edgar Allan Poe, Mary Stewart and T.H. White. I raced home from school every day to watch my favorite show, the long running paranormal soap opera, Dark Shadows. And I kept on writing—all through high school and into college.

But aside from the occasional poem, I did not share my work.

I’m not sure why this was exactly. I was, and am, sensitive to rejection. But it wasn't only that. To me, the showing didn’t matter. To me, it was the creating that counted.

I continued to write, as time allowed, for years without letting anyone read it. Manuscripts and short stories piled up on my computer—but I never felt that anything I wrote was good enough to publish.

And I wasn’t wrong.

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🌈 Neurodiversity and writing

I knew my writing was different. Workshops and critique groups and how-to-write books didn’t help me. Some were so discouraging, in fact, I began to feel that publishing my work just wasn’t worth it.

Then, in 2022, I was diagnosed with autism. As I learned more about what that meant, I began to understand why structuring a story was hard for me. I started to look at my work in a more objective way. I began to give myself grace.

This was not a cure-all. There were writing issues I was able to address and those I learned to accept. The main thing was that I kept at it. Though I will say this—my stories, as they are now, are far from perfect.

I know that my manuscripts don’t meet all, or maybe even most, paranormal romance (PNR) genre expectations. But I’ve figured out what I want to say and why I want to say it.

And to me, this is huge.

I’m now happy to say that my very first paranormal romance, Trancing Miranda, is finished and ready for self-publication. If all goes well with the cover artist, it will be available in ebook by the end of the month!

By my standards, this is an accomplishment.

💻 How this carries over to here

I started this publication in early 2023 to talk about my new autism diagnosis—but I quickly realized that I wasn’t actually ready to do that. So I spent the next few months sharing poems and essays and my thoughts on writing, instead.

As time passed, I got better at talking about neurodiversity, but creativity and writing and metaphysical topics stayed in the mix. And a similar thing happened with my neurodiversity podcast.

I knew that I was supposed to niche down and focus but I just couldn’t do it.

Finally, in early 2025, I was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor told me that I had a very high degree of impulsivity and I teared up when he said that this wasn’t my fault. I stopped feeling guilty (mostly) for bouncing around the way I did. I began to think of myself as less of a failure. I tried to accept me as me.

Impulsivity is something that affects everything I do, from my personal life to my long-form fiction to my online media. Fortunately, I have strong autistic special interests that help keep me on track. Staying the course isn’t easy but having a few relatively fixed interests helps.

📖 About the book(s)

Trancing Miranda is set in a not-too-future world where everyone knows that vampires are real. It is not especially graphic though the female lead does have a trauma history, however, and is NOT one of those characters whose only fault is that she is too nice.

I hope to self-publish very soon—hopefully by the end of the month.

My first psi romance, is in process and should be available by summer 2026. I have put the memoir on hold for now.

🔔 Update

The memoir is now back on! I’ll be posting more on it very soon.

What is the difference between memoir and autobiography? What is the actual point of sharing our experience? What happens when that experience is difficult or dark?

This episode of the podcast talks about all of these questions with a focus on my experience with difficult material. So I wanted to answer the first couple of questions, below, in text format.

PLEASE NOTE: I recorded this episode before I received my ADHD diagnosis. Now my memoir is an AuDHD one.

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Memoir vs. Autobiography

An autobiography and a memoir are not the same thing.

An autobiography focuses on a person’s entire life. Memoir covers a slice of life in a topical way. While that slice can span decades, it should reflect the memoir’s overarching topic or theme. What doesn’t reflect the theme is extraneous.

For me, this was the first sticking point (more about that in the podcast), because even though I was writing an autism memoir, I found it impossible to talk about autism in isolation.

Knowing what did and didn’t relate to the autism theme was tricky. In some instances (like trauma) the relationship was clear, in others (like supernatural experience) it was not.

I had trouble figuring out what was relevant and what wasn’t, so I just decided to write the thing.

Then I got stuck again.

Sharing Our Experience

According to NYT’s journalist, memoirist, and author of The Memoir Project, Marion Roach, there’s a reason why we share our personal experience in memoir. And that reason isn’t catharsis or getting even with people or even making sense of things.

It’s illustrating a point.

In memoir our experiences are the anecdotes that illustrate the theme. And there’s no doubt that Roach knows how to make her life experience work that way.

It’s worth stressing, however, that Roach isn’t an amateur and the writing samples shared in The Memoir Project reflect that.

My writing is sloppy compared to just about any NYT level journalist, but I do feel that has worth. Whether or not, I can create a readable memoir remains to be seen.